Tamahome's Nose
by Althe
Summary: In the morning of Tamahome's date with Miaka, something terrible happens to his nose...one shot fic. RR!


DISCLAIMER: www.fanfiction.net. FANFICTION.NET. COME ON! Why would someone that owns an entire anime series come here to write fanfics about it? They can just put it up in the show! How stupid is that huh?  
  
Althe: I dedicate this one shot fic to my sister, Ami. If it weren't for her ugly nose, this fic wouldn't have been here today.  
  
:3 Dedicated to Ami :3  
  
:::Tamahome's Nose:::  
  
*****  
  
:::Friday, 14:30:::  
  
The bell rang.  
  
Tamahome grabbed his books and headed outside to find his girlfriend, Miaka. He spotted her on a bench next to Yui.  
  
Tamahome: Miaka!  
  
Miaka: Tamahome!  
  
Tamahome: Want to get together tomorrow for a movie?  
  
Miaka smiled.  
  
Miaka: Hai!  
  
And with that, he went home.  
  
::: Saturday Morning:::  
  
Alarm clock: RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!  
  
Tamahome fell out of bed.  
  
Alarm clock: RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!  
  
Tamahome: All right already!  
  
Tamahome turned the alarm clock off and walked toward the bathroom. He turned on the light switch and looked at himself lazily in the mirror.  
  
Tamahome: ...Huh? What's that?  
  
He rubbed his eyes and stared at his face for quite a long time.  
  
Tasuki, one of his roommates, walked in and arched his eyebrow up as he saw Tamahome hypnotized in front of the mirror.  
  
Tasuki: Um, Tamahome? I need to go take a leak so if you don't m-  
  
Tamahome: OH MY GOD, WHAT HAPPENED TO MY NOSE???  
  
Tasuki in a shocked voice: What? What? What?  
  
Chichiri walks in.  
  
Chichiri: What's wrong?  
  
Tamahome: MY NOSE!!!  
  
Tasuki: What's wrong with your nose?  
  
Tamahome: IT'S HIDIOUS! THAT'S WHAT'S WRONG!!  
  
Chichiri: Stop screaming! It's looks quite normal from behind-  
  
Tamahome turns and faces the two boys. With just one glance at him, you could have a heart attack.  
  
Tasuki: ARGH! Turn around! You're gonna give me a heart attack!!  
  
Tamahome: I don't care! I have a date in twelve hours and I need it gone!!  
  
Chichiri: Ew, what is it?  
  
Tamahome: How the hell should I know???  
  
Tasuki: It looks like an over cooked bean.  
  
Tamahome: I don't glue stuff to my nose idiot!  
  
Chichiri: It could be a sign.  
  
Tasuki: A dark omen?  
  
Chichiri: It must be telling you that Miaka's endanger no da!  
  
Tamahome: You think?  
  
Tasuki: We'll discuss this later. Right now I need to go!  
  
Tamahome: I don't care if your bladder explodes Tasuki! My nose is more precious!  
  
Chichiri: But we need to know what is it first.  
  
Tamahome: How should I know??? I haven't seen such an ugly thing in my life!  
  
Chichiri: Do you have other one's on your body?  
  
Tamahome: I hope not.  
  
Chichiri: Does it itch?  
  
Tamahome: No. It feels lumpy.  
  
Chichiri: Then it's not the chicken pocks no da.  
  
Tamahome: Then what is it???  
  
Tasuki: Maybe the mumps?  
  
Tamahome: What are the chances?  
  
Chichiri: Cancer?  
  
Tasuki: Rabies?  
  
Chichiri: Malaria?  
  
Tasuki: SARS?  
  
Tamahome: Think logical! Not stupid!  
  
Chichiri: I'll look it up in the Internet.  
  
Tamahome: I'll look in the encyclopaedia  
  
Tasuki: And I'll go take a leak  
  
:::Saturday Afternoon:::  
  
Tamahome: Did you find anything?  
  
Chichiri: Yep!  
  
Tamahome: What did you find?  
  
Chichiri: Let's see....it says you're in the point in life where hormones are getting to you.  
  
Tamahome: ....  
  
Chichiri: ......  
  
Tamahome: ....  
  
Chichiri: ......  
  
Tamahome: ....  
  
Chichiri: ......  
  
Tamahome: ....  
  
Chichiri: ......  
  
Tamahome: ....What does that mean?  
  
Chichiri: Dunno.  
  
Tamahome: ....  
  
Chichiri: ......  
  
Tamahome: What are hormones?  
  
Chichiri: Maybe a disease?  
  
Tamahome: This can't be happening to me!  
  
Tasuki: Hey! I found something!  
  
Tamahome: What? What? Tell me!  
  
Tasuki: It says here.....that at this precise moment...  
  
Tamahome: Well???  
  
Tasuki: At this precise moment, you're better off being a mosquito.  
  
Tamahome: Oh, come on!  
  
Chichiri: Wait wait. I think I've found something.  
  
Tamahome: What?  
  
Chichiri: Is it big?  
  
Tamahome: What do YOU think?  
  
Chichiri: Okay...does it hurt?  
  
Tamahome: No.  
  
Chichiri: Is it irritating you?  
  
Tamahome: Yes.  
  
Chichiri: Feel weird with it?  
  
Tamahome: Yes!  
  
Chichiri: Feel dirty?  
  
Tamahome: Yes, yes, and yes!  
  
Chichiri: Let's see....it says here that you have leprosy no da.  
  
Tasuki: What kind of test is that???  
  
Chichiri: Dunno, but it says here you're gonna die pretty soon.  
  
Tamahome: I'm gonna have to wear a paper bag on my head for the rest of my life!  
  
Tasuki: Try squeezing it.  
  
Tamahome: What if something bad happens?  
  
Tasuki: So?  
  
Tamahome: I'm the one who has to go on a date here!  
  
Chichiri: Let's call Nuriko. He should know no da.  
  
:::Saturday, 13:35:::  
  
Nuriko: What's the problem?  
  
Tamahome: This is the problem!  
  
Nuriko: ARGH! Tamahome! What did you do to your nose? It's ugly!  
  
Tamahome: Thanks for pointing out the obvious.  
  
Nuriko: What is it?  
  
Tasuki: You mean YOU don't know?  
  
Nuriko: Do I look like a person who would stick ugly tattoos on their nose???  
  
Tamahome: It's not a tattoo!  
  
Nuriko: Oh.  
  
Chichiri: We think it might be leprosy.  
  
Nuriko: Highly not. Or else he'd look even worse.  
  
Tamahome: Can you fix it?  
  
Nuriko: I don't know....it looks pretty bad.  
  
Tasuki: Why not try to cut it off?  
  
Nuriko: It looks like it's attached to the skin.  
  
Tasuki: Nasty!  
  
Nuriko: How about some lotion? It'll make it feel softer.  
  
Tamahome: But will go away?  
  
Nuriko: Nope.  
  
Tasuki: Do you have anything in that bag of yours?  
  
Nuriko: Well, I need to know what it is first.  
  
Chichiri: Well, it might fall off by the end of the day.  
  
Tasuki: Like that'll happen Chichiri.  
  
Tamahome: Just help me out here.  
  
Nuriko: Okay....but I'm not guaranteeing anything.  
  
:::Saturday, 19:00:::  
  
Tamahome walks towards Miaka with a mask over his nose and mouth. Nuriko did nothing to it but make it look bigger and more visible.  
  
Miaka: Hi Tamahome!....What's with the mask?  
  
Tamahome: SARS....  
  
Miaka: Why would there be SARS here? It's under control now.  
  
Tamahome shrugged.  
  
Miaka: Take it off. People are staring at us.  
  
Tamahome: No.  
  
Miaka: Tamahome!  
  
Tamahome: My face isn't what it was 24 hours ago.  
  
Miaka arched her eyebrow.  
  
Miaka: What happened to your face?  
  
Tamahome: It's taken a...unique form.  
  
Miaka: Unique form? Let me see.  
  
Tamahome: Uh, no.  
  
Miaka: Let me see!  
  
Tamahome: Can't....the sun's gonna damage it.  
  
Miaka: The sun's setting for crying out loud!  
  
Miaka snatches the mask and stares at Tamahome's nose. Whatever Nuriko did, he sure made it ten times its original form. Not only was it big, it was brown, green, and white all over. Miaka laughed.  
  
Tamahome: What's so funny?  
  
Miaka: Is that all you're worried about?  
  
Tamahome: Yes. It's ugly and you know it.  
  
Miaka: It's just a pimple. Everyone has them sometime or another.  
  
Tamahome: A pimple?  
  
Miaka: Yeah, a pimple. I have them too.  
  
Tamahome: Huh? I don't see any.  
  
Miaka: Make up.  
  
Miaka grabs a handkerchief from her pocket and rubs her face clean. I don't even want to describe what Tamahome say beneath that thick layer of power and lipstick.  
  
Miaka: See! It's perfectly-  
  
Tamahome: HOLY SHIT!!!  
  
Miaka: What?  
  
Tamahome covering his eyes: Um....NOTHING!!!  
  
Miaka: Why are you screaming?  
  
Tamahome: UH.....I HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE....BYE!!!!  
  
And with that, Tamahome runs away in sheer fright.  
  
Miaka: TAMAHOME!!!! WHERE ARE YOU GOING???  
  
To answer this question, he was going far, far away. To the lands of untamed sheep. To a place where Miaka will never bother again unless she gets her face cleared.  
  
And that my friends, is that.  
  
*****  
  
Althe: Funny eh? Yes, my sister did have a pimple on her nose, which was huge and ugly. It inspired me so much I couldn't contain myself.  
  
Ami: Hey! You have pimples on your nose that was ten times worse!  
  
Althe: Well, you had only ONE on your nose making it very visible. Might I add that it was honking huge?  
  
Ami: Look who's talking?  
  
Althe: Me. And what are YOU doing here? You have to study for a test.  
  
Ami: I need the computer, doofus.  
  
Althe: Hey, hey. Hands off the keyboard!  
  
Ami: It's not even yours.  
  
Althe: Not yours either so back off  
  
Superman: Hello, you might not know me, but I am Superman! As you can see, these two will never stop on their quarrels for hours, so might I say goodbye and have a safe trip surfing the n-  
  
Althe: Hey, who invited you here mister?  
  
Superman: No need to invite me for I am Superman!  
  
Ami: Yeah, and I'm Superwoman.  
  
Althe: No, Superwoman looks more feminine.  
  
Ami: Look buster, I was being SARCASTIC. Can't you take a joke?  
  
Althe: Look, Superman's stupid, but not stupid enough to laugh at any of YOUR jokes.  
  
Ami: Speak for yourself.  
  
Althe: Idiotic fool.  
  
Ami: Stupid oaf.  
  
Aya: Hi, you might not know me, but I'm a close friend of Aki (Althe) and Ami. I'll have the pleasure of saying goodbye.  
  
Althe: Hey, hey! I'M the AUTHOR.  
  
Aya and Ami: JA NE!!!  
  
Althe: HE-  
  
End. 


End file.
